Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
