Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
