I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
She announced her abortion via fbk
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
