I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
