i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
