my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
