"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
