I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
