these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
