It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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