i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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