I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
