it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
