He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
