Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
