Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
