Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
My balls are so social today.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
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I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
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