Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
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hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
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No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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