I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
