I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
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He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
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Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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