Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
