Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
COCAINE IS GR8
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize