nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
