that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
