Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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