Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
