Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
