Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
