It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
