I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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