she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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