1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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