I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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