I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
