is your mom at the bar?
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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