I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
