Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
