Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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