Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
