tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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