I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
