Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
this will be a night to untag.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
