You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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