I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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