She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
