how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
