You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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