Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
