How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
