I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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