are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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