somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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