Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Randomize
