you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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