god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
