NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
