I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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