is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
