I hate your face
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I am mentally ready for anal.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
