I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
