OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
