At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize