How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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