obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
