I am puke
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize