you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
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Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
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so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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