Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Randomize
