What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
