A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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