I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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