on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
