Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
